Esmee Narrates

Serendipity: a term that means a fortunate happenstance or pleasant surprise.

Chapter One : Life

Upon my graduation, and while thinking that I have become too cool for school, I reached a point in my life where I had no more dreams. I wasn’t the bulletproof girl I used to be and I didn’t like it. I wanted to turn my life around but the thoughts inside my head felt like a circle room talk. Many questions kept popping inside my head like : aren’t you late to take such decisions? I hesitated, I rewound and I sighed. That’s when I answered myself : NO, I will go on until my answer becomes YES whenever I’m asked : Are you happy now ? I want to rule the world, I want passion to be my morning coffee. I want to rise again. To do that, I escaped life and buried myself in love.

Chapter Two : Love

I thought I found love in school, I thought I found that boy in love, that mister right; but school love affairs don’t always work as expected. When I found my so-called soulmate, I didn’t ask him where he came from. Instead, I simply asked him to stay, even if it’s for just one day, until tomorrow’s sun sets. Looking at our love story’s triptych, I secretly prayed that he won’t be a heart breaker. I didn’t want him to propose per se; I simply wanted him to jump with me into the unknown and live together peacefully.

Whenever I asked him “What am I to you?” The answer was always a typical romantic riddle. Ultimately, I ended up being caught in a dangerous relationship. Between the war of Hormones and the heartache, I wondered if my lover ever appreciated me the way a rapper is fond of Hip Hop. It’s a silly comparison, right ? Anyways, I wish he would’ve let me know before he rained over me with a Killer break up move. Ah, what am I doing ? I should turn off my phone and empty all of my worries through a neat blanket kick session. Look at me, I’m a 24/7 overthinker, turning my heaven into hell, and I don’t seem to catch a break.

Am I even making sense right now?

Chapter Three : Lust

As I wake up in the middle of the night and gaze from my window at the stars glowing beautifully, I ask myself: Is love the best moment in life ? Is it wrong to want someone in my life to tell me “I need you” instead of expecting me to read through his thoughtless mind? Is it wrong to want someone to hold me tight ? I had many expectations before, but now I am just that sick girl who likes to live freely and have fun wearing her high converse. Yes, I’m moving on, but love is definitely not over.

Chapter Four : Loss

Ah never mind, I keep running into love and I flee it like a butterfly. I am that lonely whale in the lost ocean. My city is in ruins and my home is underneath it. I am that silverspoon that tries to turn a wooden spoon into gold. I am that nomad that spent one night in a stranger city, watching dead leaves fall as I nostalgically imagine my old home while building it into a house of cards. My heart, soul, and mind are on fire. I wish someone would notice and save me from myself. I want to remain young forever, but does it mean my youth should come to an end now?

Chapter Five : Leap

On a good day, I try to see the positive things in life, and try to chase away the negativity by helplessly wishing on a star. For you, I’m a girl who’s seen, heard, and met evil. I gave it my blood, sweat, and tears. It began with a temptation, progressed with a lie, and ended in stigma. My first love is probably going to be my last. I reflect upon it and in return, it keeps my poor mother restless and awake at night, worried about how her once carefree daughter became this way. I feel lost at times, trying to solve the endless ciphers that life keeps throwing my way, and wondering where did I go wrong. I’m a 21st century girl hoping for many more good days to come. Even if it’s not today, even if that spring day will take its time to come, I will spread my wings in anticipation. I am not alone in this path; I never walk alone, but that’s a supplementary story to leave for another day. For now, I will learn to love myself.