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Once upon a Hallyu

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Do you, always.

Namjooned: A feeling that haunts you once you get to know Kim Namjoon.

Did you ever feel that you have finally found your other half only for them to be out of reach ? I did; sadly for me (sadly for all Hallyu stans out there), he is out of reach in every possible aspect.

Now, did the idea of becoming this idol’s confident cross my mind ? Yes, too many times than I care to admit BUT I sought comfort in him on an intellectual level, which was both my consolation and burden. I guess that’s why they call them idols: they appeal to you and become your role model, but you can never have a personal relationship with them.

It all started when I was receiving my “Hallyu homework”. Since Rap was my favorite genre, Mey suggested Yoon Mirae and introduced her as the queen of Korean Rap, and damn she was. She sent me some of her songs and there was a specific song for which I am eternally grateful because it literally turned my life upside down. I don’t mean to school you because I am new to the field myself but if you don’t know “Buckubucku”, then you probably missed out on one of the best songs of 2015. This song was a collaboration between many rappers and among them a special name stood out: “Rap Monster”.

When I came across “Rap Monster” for the first time, I didn’t know what to expect. I told myself that, for someone to be called that way, he must be a fine rapper and I was not disappointed (this is an actual quote from a fan letter I sent that was forever lost in the mail *I’m okay*). When he initiated the song, I thought that he had that “IT” attitude and I was amused. Then, when his part came I was literally shook and flew out of my seat. I don’t exactly remember what I said or did because I have the memory of a goldfish, but knowing that my feelings haven’t changed, I can promise you that it was something like this: Damn homie, easy on this little girl’s poor heart!

And that was it, the moment I found my ultimate bias, the one and only Kim Namjoon. This being said, I will probably die or sell both kidneys before I reroute my devotion to another artist.

You see, I went through every single fangirl phase with this man for the past year, and everytime I thought it was time to unstan and retrieve my sanity, I found myself fall even deeper. What made my love, loyalty, respect, admiration … (The words are many and the feeling is the same) so persistent wasn’t that I fell for his looks or his title or his popularity; I fell for this man because he was literally the bestfriend I never had.

His rap was the first thing that caught my attention, and when I got to know him, I fell even deeper for his thoughts, his lyrics, his music and eventually his band and members. Unlike the traditional stanning criteria, I always pick my bias before I get to know the group, and Rap Monster was no exception: he made my heart flutter in War of Hormones (with a slight competition alongside V’s forehead in the MV, you know the drill) and he completely mesmerized me in Buckubucku as RM. Ultimately, his few mixtape releases which I happened to listen to and enjoy wholeheartedly made me realize that I have found that long lost soul that reflects my inner self.

Now all fangirling feelings aside, here are more profound reasons why Namjoon is my ultimate bias:

  • Through his path to success, he taught me that it’s never too late to have a dream and follow it.
  • Through his long training, he taught me that I can always improve and that time should be a friend, not a foe.
  • Through his strong leadership, he taught me that it’s okay to be independent, self-made, and passionate.
  • Through his lively character, he taught me that I can be myself, even if it defies the generic image that society sets for us.
  • Through his vivid writings, he taught me that my ideas – no matter how dark, twisted or vulnerable they can be – deserve to be inked, shared, and published. 

Because I’ve been living a lie for the past 23 years of my life, struggling between whom I should be and who I really am. By breaking all of his society’s standard rules, he showed me that as long as nobody gets hurt, I get to live my life the way I see it fit.

This piece might sound a bit all over the place. The only explanation I can give you is that when it comes to him, I can never think straight and this article is living proof as it has been saved as a draft for the past month. 

P.S: May 30th marks exactly a year since I was introduced to this beautiful human being and I hope that I will gather enough sanity to properly celebrate it by the end of the month.

Until then, and in this fine man’s own words: Do you, always.

A mixtape of love

You make me feel like an adult child,
At times I’m tamed and at others I turn wild
Do you realize what your aura does to me?
Your Voice, your existence bewitches me entirely
Your words Awaken the dormant thinker within me
You make me appreciate Life wholeheartedly
Something about you eases my deepest worries
When you smile, an adrenaline Rush gets me going
I don’t recognize myself anymore, is this a Joke ?
I’m supposedly taken yet I’m having a second love stroke
I wish I could be your Favorite Girl, for it I wish I could take your word
As you Promise Me The love of an eternity, it would be US against the world
I wish I could Converse with you daily, get High on your Reflections
After every talk, we’ll enjoy an interlude, a Monterlude of emotions
I’m dreaming Too Much, aren’t I ? allowing myself to Cypher my affection like this
You’re the Ruff around my neck, this feels Fantastic, an eternal bliss
I Believe that your Monster is soothing mine,
It’s healing my heart, soul and mind
This feeling is genuine, Please Don’t Die
While Unpacking my fangirling Bags through these lines
I felt Bucku Bucku writing these rhymes
Where U At Ramonie ? I am yours, Always.

Sincerely, the baddest female.

GZB: Abbreviation for Gijibae, literally meaning female

Lee Chaelin, mostly known as CL, 2NE1’s former (everlasting) leader and current maknae, and also the main reason I gave KPOP a chance. Here is 5 times the Queen of Pop caught my attention and gained my approval.

5. Hello Bitches

When I came across “Hello Bitches” for the first time, I told myself “Well damn if this ain’t Korean Nicki Minaj”. This statement is a year old; Diplo confirmed this later on. I think that what helped me enjoy this song the most was the fact that the lyrics were mainly in english, so I felt more familiarized with it. Also, this is the only song for which I knew the korean lyrics by heart … well most of them anyways: Hana, Dul, Set Bitches.

4. The baddest female

“This is for all the bad girls around the world, not bad being bad but bad being good you know”: through this song, CL delivered the slogan of a lifetime and the definition of her cause. This song also marks CL’s first act as a solo artist, and the word GZB currently serves as her fandom name.

3. Dr. Pepper

This song actually made me try the soda … For that matter, I advise you to stick to the song. In a more daring scene (so to speak), CL joined Diplo and other american rappers in this sick beat with an even sicker verse: Not bad for an american predebut.

2. Dirty vibe

Joining hands once again with Diplo and Skrillex this time, CL showed her true colors alongside her label mate and fellow leader G-Dragon and showered us with the funkiest vibe: the dirty kind. If you were asking yourself before whether CL is the perfect girl crush or not, she openly claimed it in one of her verses on your behalf.

1. Lifted

CL humbly lifted the US market through her american debut with this song, taking the high road in this one. Throughout the chill MV that shows a more bold image than we have ever seen before, the baddest female surely knows how to stay true to her name.

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