Once upon a Hallyu

Welcome, first time with Hallyu ?

A mixtape of love

You make me feel like an adult child,
At times I’m tamed and at others I turn wild
Do you realize what your aura does to me?
Your Voice, your existence bewitches me entirely
Your words Awaken the dormant thinker within me
You make me appreciate Life wholeheartedly
Something about you eases my deepest worries
When you smile, an adrenaline Rush gets me going
I don’t recognize myself anymore, is this a Joke ?
I’m supposedly taken yet I’m having a second love stroke
I wish I could be your Favorite Girl, for it I wish I could take your word
As you Promise Me The love of an eternity, it would be US against the world
I wish I could Converse with you daily, get High on your Reflections
After every talk, we’ll enjoy an interlude, a Monterlude of emotions
I’m dreaming Too Much, aren’t I ? allowing myself to Cypher my affection like this
You’re the Ruff around my neck, this feels Fantastic, an eternal bliss
I Believe that your Monster is soothing mine,
It’s healing my heart, soul and mind
This feeling is genuine, Please Don’t Die
While Unpacking my fangirling Bags through these lines
I felt Bucku Bucku writing these rhymes
Where U At Ramonie ? I am yours, Always.


The one and only, Kwon Jiyong.

August 18th, a dragon was born
Flame so hot, a flowerboy with thorns
A rising star since before he was ten
At age 18, Kwon Ji Yong left his den

Along with BIGBANG, K-pop turned royal
VIPs around the world instantly became loyal
Back to our heartbreaker, a king without a crown
Who needs an accessory when the crown is the crowd

A fashion icon whose throne is the world
A composer, a producer, can’t describe him in one word
A rapper, a singer-songwriter, his talent is a ravage
The way he writes lyrics, pure art : what a savage !

29 years later, he’s still slaying hard
He’s all over the place, you can’t even count his awards
G to the D, he’s driving me out of my mind
Indeed G-Dragon, you’re one of a kind.



Once upon a time, on a summery day
A rising BigHit boy group blew my mind away
Seven members by the name of BangTan Sonyeondan
I love them all equally yet stan only one 

Uri leader, Namjoon whom I call Ramonie
He can be badass, sexy but also cute and funny

Then my boy Taehyung, dat vitamin V
His smile is hypnotizing and I bet that you agree 

I also got a sweet tooth for Yoongi, my daily sugar dose
His gaze gives me goosebumps, a shaky overdose

Shoutout to Hoseok, my bundle of hope
One glance when he dances shows how his moves are dope

Where my Seokjin at, that precious Genie in a bottle
One minute he’s a foodie, the next one he’s a model

And then you got Jimin, my precious gem
His stage presence is a killer, his aura is a mayhem

Leaving the maknae for last, Jungkook, that sweetest Kupcake
Once a cute bunny, now a fine man, he’s giving me a heartache.

Letters to Tablo

You left me mesmerized,
When there was no more hope for me
Your songs pierced through my heart endlessly

You’re a true inspiration,
Your snaps bring me joy
Your lyrics are pure slayage,
Your music is a cure.


Forever a wounded Blackjack.


First, you were a Crush; but I couldn’t stop myself from Falling in love with your music.
You were the Fire in my heart, you made me Happy, so I said to myself it’s Gotta be you.
Then, one day and out of the blue, I found out that you did Go away. Do you know how much It hurts ? Do you know how Ugly I felt ? I kept fighting the Lonely feeling, Missing you all the way. But now I don’t care anymore, Can’t nobody make me love a girl group again the way I love you … I am still waiting for you to Come back home.


I thought you were back, I thought 2ne1 was back
For 20 minutes, all I saw was pitch black
I’m a latecomer, thought the party was over
Then MAMA gave me hope, thought I had the luck of a clover
A four-leaved clover, turned three with one’s departure
But 2ne1 still fits, 2 n’ 1 was my closure

Then an american debut made us patient enough
More interactions with Darabit showing support and love
And then slowly but surely, you came back
Every tweet, every post retrieved every hope I lacked
Soon enough, I started anticipating, waiting,
A happy ending needs few plot twists in the making

But a happy ending, it sadly was not
I woke up to this shocking news, in my stomach I felt a knot
And I’m still feeling it, denying it but it’s there
And everytime I think about you, it will remain there
Don’t worry we’re okay,  Blackjacks are used to the pain
We’ll stay strong for you and wait for a sunny day

B to the C to the D, 역시 Queens
Be well and thank you for the memories.


Goodbyes are like a band-aid.

We think they heal deep cuts
But they only cover the wounded spot
Underneath, the scars remain
Underneath, lies the pain

The sorrow and I are one
The ache cannot be undone
The words seem harder to find
Only memories are left to rewind

This isn’t goodbye, it’s only farewell
Be it together or apart, always be well
B to the C to the D, you remain 2NE1
You’re Blackjacks’ pride and we’ll forever be one

One last call, don’t go
Don’t forget your fandom, no
We trust that you did nothing wrong
Until we hear from you again, 놀자 and 안녕.

MADE: a newbie VIP’s POV.

At first, I kept telling myself Let’s not fall in love with Big Bang, but it just got through me like Bang Bang Bang. I felt like a Loser for not getting to know them earlier, and the voice in my head kept telling me “If you have listened to your sister, you would have enjoyed Big Bang more”. Their music serenades me and makes me feel Sober and Like 2 Party at the same time. Although I love all five of them, Taeyang is my bae bae. In a word, Big Bang is Zutter and thanks to them I got to appreciate Kpop in general.


Chong! Jojun! Balsa! : Hopefully how you’ll feel every time you read a one shot.

Jimin fluff: Periods and Commas



Jungkook fluff: Rainism



Taehyung fluff: Daddy’s Home



Yoongi fluff: Mayday



Jin fluff: Breakfast in Bed



Hoseok fluff: Private lessons



Namjoon fluff: Writer’s block



Notice me, Oppa.

Oppa: not necessarily your brother, but could sadly be your brother from another mother.

Just in case you failed to guess, this is fangirling 101.

When I first joined Hallyu, Oppa was probably the first word I learned thanks to Ji Sung’s brilliant act in “Kill me, heal me”. At first, and like everybody else I guess, when I first learned what Oppa meant my reaction was as follows: 

  • Oh, it’s cute to call your brother Oppa !
  • But if he isn’t your real brother, why are you still calling him Oppa?
  • Oh you can also call your guy bestfriend Oppa, I guess that’s cool since he’s basically like a brother to you.

That “kinda fauxcest” notion right there triggered every single international fangirl … For a while. Later on, you simply find yourself immersed in the whole culture, and your main concern switches from having to call your crush/boyfriend Oppa to finding an ACTUAL oppa.

When it comes to fangirling, having an Oppa is the easiest task. You basically choose a fave and claim him as your own. Of course, there are many degrees of Oppa claiming: there is the Oppa that everyone likes, the Oppa that steals the hearts of the youngsters, the Oppa that makes Noonas wish they were younger, and then there is THE Oppa.

The Oppa, the bias, the fave, the DO NOT TOUCH if you want to stay alive. Of course, you and I both know that all of the above does not matter because to your Oppa, you do not exist (I bruise easily so please don’t throw anything harder than Tteokbokki).

I know how this feels, because as a fangirl I’ve been there TWICE, and while I gave up on my first try, I vowed for my second to last as long as I did. Since I started with BIGBANG, Taeyang was my first bias (Ji Sung was a close second but he’s 40, married and has a child and I have a dignity to maintain, so he remains my first and ultimate fave among actors but I cannot allow myself to call him Oppa). I was so charmed by Taeyang’s beauty, music and persona, I was also surprised at myself because I usually prefer rappers, and knowing that he originally signed up to be a rapper comforted me for a while as I kept telling myself “I chose well” and I stand by my words: I chose a pure-hearted angel to stan and I take pride in it.

Now, everything was well … that is until I found out that Youngbae had a girlfriend. I don’t know what I was thinking back then because I wasn’t technically free either and even if I was I would be the last person on earth to be involved with him because of obvious reasons (a girl has got to save face, I may be a fangirl but I am not going to slander myself by openly admitting why I won’t be a fit candidate). Anyways, these news made me feel sad, hurt, and betrayed which was kind of ironic because my fangirling was hurting somebody else in the process yet I wasn’t considerate of that significant other. That’s when I decided to retreat as a crazed fangirl and just be a fan, for my own sake and that of those around me.

Little did I know, that it would take me two months to fall head over heels all over again and way harder than I did the first time for completely different reasons. Although I enjoyed Kpop very much, I was specifically captivated by the Rap genre, so I focused on discovering as many rappers as possible and enjoying their music without being caught in the fangirl trap again. Tablo was, is, and will always be the Godfather of Rap for me because he fits all of my standards. I also cannot call him Oppa because he shares the same profile as Ji Sung, and again I have pride. While doing my “homework”, I came across a lot of idol rappers like Zico and Mino and I was really into their style but it was just that, a pure admiration. It wasn’t until I came across Rap Monster that I realized that I was once again caught in the trap; and this time there was no way out for me. I saw my own principles fall apart one after one, and it scared me so much to the point where I started questioning myself. 

Also, I seriously have no idea how Sasaengs’ brains function because the mere fact of writing about my fangirling experience made me cringe because feeling this and actually pinning it down are two different matters. Either way, whether we like it or not, we all went through the basic fangirl stages which can be short-listed as below:

  • I like you, Oppa.
  • I wish I can meet you, Oppa.
  • I wish I can be your ideal type, Oppa.
  • I love you, Oppa.
  • Marry me, Oppa.
  • Notice me, Oppa.
  • I’m unstanning you, Oppa.
  • Take my love back, Oppa ?
  • Be my bestfriend, Oppa !

I don’t know if I should be proud or embarrassed, but I went through all of the previous stages and I am currently at the “bestfriend” phase. Not that I’m actually expecting it to happen (I’m still praying though … Just kidding, or maybe not) but after everything I have learned, read or witnessed, I feel that I finally found someone that can truly understand me. After all, it’s in one’s human nature to crave attention, emotion, or delicacy. That intellectual tact is what I’ve been lacking my whole life, and it’s a bittersweet feeling to have found such comfort in something/someone that will never be within your reach.

Overall, and not just because I have a crazy fangirl side, I believe that there is no harm in loving your fave a little bit too much, as long as you respect their person, privacy and safety. Regardless of who your faves are, cheer for them for the right reasons, don’t bash them for their life choices, don’t hate against their beliefs, and never let your sasaeng awaken. Simply keep in mind that they’re idols that please you and you’re a fan that supports them.

Now, has anyone seen my Oppa ?!

To BANGTAN, with love.

BANGTAN: the only bulletproof item you need in your daily life.

Have you ever tried to escape fate but it kept haunting you instead? That was BTS for me.

The first time I came across these seven boys, I was attending my very first KPOP event and I was shook as I witnessed the crowd’s reaction once a BTS song started playing. Although they are incredibly rising by the minute, KPOP fans are still a minority in my country so I wasn’t expecting such a dedicated and organized fandom. I was envious and jealous.

After the event, I came back home and I couldn’t help but get that song stuck in my head. I remembered every other group and song despite hearing them for the first time since I was only into BIGBANG and 2NE1 back then: Seventeen’s mansae, Exo’s call me baby, 2pm’s go crazy … I remembered BTS, but I just couldn’t pinpoint the song.

It took me about a week or so humming the song inside my head and watching myself go mental. I finally decided to shut my ego down and look up their MVs since the song was projected in the event. Talk about irony at its best, I went through every single MV of theirs, but once I got to the actual song I turned it off and went to sleep. The next morning, I begged my sister to look up the song for me since she was more familiar with KPOP; for that matter I only gave her one hint: Neoppuniya, Neoppuniya (which I shamelessly pronounced as Nappeuniya until I got corrected four months later by Twinsie in a very chaotic Karaoke session, 고마워 베이비).

The ARMY reading this will guess that it was indeed “War of Hormone”; I still can’t believe that this song gave me a headache for a whole week. When Sunnie found it, she played it for me and I literally asked her to shut it down because it’s noisy and went back to doing my business … Luckily for me, she was patient enough and stood there with her phone blasting the song until the hook started playing. The moment I heard it, I immediately felt levitated and turned back to face her, only for her to turn the music off and confront me with the most devious smirk ever: “I thought you said this was noisy, never mind you don’t need it anyways”.

After several pleas and bribes, my sister finally agreed to give me the song’s title. As I went to check it on Youtube, I admit that I was a bit shocked at how strong the lyrics were … but I was quickly tamed when I read “Girls are the best gift”: Way to redeem yourselves, boys. 

Nevertheless, my love story with BTS didn’t start until I found out that they were BIGBANG’s biggest fanboys. I was suddenly interested in them because whoever loves my faves the way these boys did deserves admiration or, at the very least, respect. It was thanks to Mey that I actually discovered this information who, by the way, also showed me how to properly stan BIGBANG. She then advised me to contact Fey who is basically our ARMY squad’s MVP: the girl literally breathes, feels and projects BTS.

Following her instructions, and after taking up a whole month to perfectly identify the members (in my defense, I already knew Rap Monster, J-Hope and Jimin), I could finally allow myself to be called an ARMY. Soon enough, the boys became my everyday salvation, their music was my healing process, and their stories gave me strength.

Although I still haven’t watched all of their variety nor do I recognize some of their side tracks from the first go, I feel spiritually connected to OT7: not as a fan but as an individual, their aura gives me serenity and I know that every ARMY relates to this. One thing that I have learned from these precious boys is that I can be me and still do things right. Therefore, for all of you reading this I want you to stay true to yourselves: it’s not a piece of advice, it’s a life lesson.

My name is Esmee and I am an Adorable Representative MC for Youth.


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