Once upon a Hallyu

Welcome, first time with Hallyu ?

Happy 1st anniversary to me.

Cipher: a secret or disguised way of writing; a code.

Final logo

That’s right. This month, I’m blowing my first candle as an ARMY.

Looking back on the past year has brought me nothing but absolute joy and serenity. With every passing day, I met the most incredible people and the number kept rising: While being born midst the most incredible squad that I consider my soulful family and that taught me how to be a decent ARMY, I also met more amazing fellow ARMYs: from the ones that couldn’t pick a bias and eventually ended up being wrecked by Jimin, to others that support my ultimate bias and earned my love and respect in the process; because through this very bias I happened to rest my head on the most supportive shoulder, for which I am eternally grateful.

Of course, as we flew with our beautiful wings in 2017 alongside BTS, our fandom still managed to receive horrendous comments, accusations, and rumors. When none of this satisfied their ugly hearts, free hate was always on the table. This being said, and although I tried to stay passive for as long as I could, this time I picked the other side of the coin: this time, I became passive agressive.

Without further ado, as words are many and time is money, this is my contribution for BTS’s 4th anniversary: this is A.R.M.Y Cypher.


(Welcome, first time with ARMY ?)

You know, errthang starts with an A

And this one goes to all you haters , Aye

Whether you like it or not, Bangtan will always slay

Do you hear us?

We said: Our bulletproof boys are here to stay


Now, wait a minute though, Whatcha looking at hoe?

Is you lost? Did you rail away from your fandom, foe ?

Quit taking care of BTS, they have us for that

Promote your faves instead, redirect your attention lads

Rookie, MAMA, Shorty : now we snatched a Billboard too

Thanks but no thanks, we’re international, boo

(So long, fools)


Chong jojun balsa, bitch

Crawl back to your den, snitch

2!3! Breathe, choke

Sorry bae for your emotional stroke


Apologetic turned Problematic, sass

Righteous ignoring your helpless cries, pass

Mature for not calling out your faves, class

Young forever, used to be a few, now a mass

 [VERSE 2]

A R M Y, this cypher goes to all prying eyes

We learned from the best,

when you won’t give it a rest

We’ll use it in our favor and bless you with a diss

Wait what, no dissing allowed ?

 We missed the memo when our boys were being disavowed

You wronged us and assumed we’ll take a bow

Well get this antis, it’s payback now

(It’s a vow)


Chong jojun balsa, bitch

Crawl back to your den, snitch

2!3! Breathe, choke

Sorry bae for your emotional stroke


Apologetic turned Problematic, sass

Righteous ignoring your helpless cries, pass

Mature for not calling out your faves, class

Young forever: used to be a few, now a mass

 [VERSE 3]

Plagiarize this, plagiarize that

Riddle me this, have you ever heard of facts?

When shit happens, we humbly apologize

Great minds think alike but small minds tend to criticize

And creativity, like idiocy, is infinite

Miss me with your bullshit, our success is imminent

We’re not here to dethrone, stealing crowns is primitive

Bighit is our label, spare us your initiative


No more laying low, we’re here to let you know

We’ll slay your existence, once twice thrice in a row

Sit your asses down, enjoy the Hitman show

Ayo ladies and gents, y’all nothing but John and Jane Does

P.S: this piece is humbly dedicated to all the individuals that ever wished BTS harm with a thought, a comment or an action. Thank you for allowing me to write this cypher.


Mental: Patient Zero

Menbung (멘붕): in simpler words, mental breakdown.

They didn’t know what she was capable of, and neither did she … until now.

PROLOGUE: Girl meets the Ward

Entry I : BEGIN

Entry II : AWAKE

ENTRY III : Interlude – L


Entry V : MAMA

Entry VI : Interlude – U

Entry VII : LIE


Entry IX : Interlude – C


Entry XI : Lost in Cyphers

Entry XII : Interlude – Y

Entry XIII : Am I wrong ?

Entry XIV : 21st century illness

Entry XV : Blood, sweat and tears

Entry XVI : Not today

Entry XVII : Spring day

Entry XVIII : To many more good days

Entry XIX : You never walk alone

Entry XX : A supplementary story

Do you, always.

Namjooned: A feeling that haunts you once you get to know Kim Namjoon.

Did you ever feel that you have finally found your other half only for them to be out of reach ? I did; sadly for me (sadly for all Hallyu stans out there), he is out of reach in every possible aspect.

Now, did the idea of becoming this idol’s confident cross my mind ? Yes, too many times than I care to admit BUT I sought comfort in him on an intellectual level, which was both my consolation and burden. I guess that’s why they call them idols: they appeal to you and become your role model, but you can never have a personal relationship with them.

It all started when I was receiving my “Hallyu homework”. Since Rap was my favorite genre, Mey suggested Yoon Mirae and introduced her as the queen of Korean Rap, and damn she was. She sent me some of her songs and there was a specific song for which I am eternally grateful because it literally turned my life upside down. I don’t mean to school you because I am new to the field myself but if you don’t know “Buckubucku”, then you probably missed out on one of the best songs of 2015. This song was a collaboration between many rappers and among them a special name stood out: “Rap Monster”.

When I came across “Rap Monster” for the first time, I didn’t know what to expect. I told myself that, for someone to be called that way, he must be a fine rapper and I was not disappointed (this is an actual quote from a fan letter I sent that was forever lost in the mail *I’m okay*). When he initiated the song, I thought that he had that “IT” attitude and I was amused. Then, when his part came I was literally shook and flew out of my seat. I don’t exactly remember what I said or did because I have the memory of a goldfish, but knowing that my feelings haven’t changed, I can promise you that it was something like this: Damn homie, easy on this little girl’s poor heart!

And that was it, the moment I found my ultimate bias, the one and only Kim Namjoon. This being said, I will probably die or sell both kidneys before I reroute my devotion to another artist.

You see, I went through every single fangirl phase with this man for the past year, and everytime I thought it was time to unstan and retrieve my sanity, I found myself fall even deeper. What made my love, loyalty, respect, admiration … (The words are many and the feeling is the same) so persistent wasn’t that I fell for his looks or his title or his popularity; I fell for this man because he was literally the bestfriend I never had.

His rap was the first thing that caught my attention, and when I got to know him, I fell even deeper for his thoughts, his lyrics, his music and eventually his band and members. Unlike the traditional stanning criteria, I always pick my bias before I get to know the group, and Rap Monster was no exception: he made my heart flutter in War of Hormones (with a slight competition alongside V’s forehead in the MV, you know the drill) and he completely mesmerized me in Buckubucku as RM. Ultimately, his few mixtape releases which I happened to listen to and enjoy wholeheartedly made me realize that I have found that long lost soul that reflects my inner self.

Now all fangirling feelings aside, here are more profound reasons why Namjoon is my ultimate bias:

  • Through his path to success, he taught me that it’s never too late to have a dream and follow it.
  • Through his long training, he taught me that I can always improve and that time should be a friend, not a foe.
  • Through his strong leadership, he taught me that it’s okay to be independent, self-made, and passionate.
  • Through his lively character, he taught me that I can be myself, even if it defies the generic image that society sets for us.
  • Through his vivid writings, he taught me that my ideas – no matter how dark, twisted or vulnerable they can be – deserve to be inked, shared, and published. 

Because I’ve been living a lie for the past 23 years of my life, struggling between whom I should be and who I really am. By breaking all of his society’s standard rules, he showed me that as long as nobody gets hurt, I get to live my life the way I see it fit.

This piece might sound a bit all over the place. The only explanation I can give you is that when it comes to him, I can never think straight and this article is living proof as it has been saved as a draft for the past month. 

P.S: May 30th marks exactly a year since I was introduced to this beautiful human being and I hope that I will gather enough sanity to properly celebrate it by the end of the month.

Until then, and in this fine man’s own words: Do you, always.

Control verse


Controversy, Ctrl C, Ctrl V
Call it what you want, I rest my case
I’m from both sides and I disagree
You ain’t paying me, where is the disgrace ?
Listen up y’all, just save face

Hey you, adorable MC ?
Death threats aren’t cute, you don’t represent me
Stop claiming the throne, you’re juniors
The boys are walking in the footsteps of their seniors

What about you, real MV players ?
You lost the name the minute you touched the mud layer
Swallow, the pride is earned not stolen
You’re the wise fandom, why is your ego swollen ?

Please, 제발 하지마
Both groups are suffering, 설마
Don’t pretend, just stan your faves in peace
If you don’t like this, feel free to Ctrl Z.

You like ? I don’t.

Dear Bingu,

I finally allowed myself to come to terms with your departure
It was difficult, it was painful, but I had to proceed with the rupture

I have so many things I want to tell you, but the words keep failing me
It’s probably because I am too overwhelmed to phrase it properly

How was your first day ? Your first week ? Your first month ? 괜찮아 ?
I want to be strong and patient, then again I don’t wanna

But I should, the countdown has started, I have to be ready
Be safe and healthy, come back to us already

From a forever newbie VIP
To a forever precious Tabi,

Until whenever.

ARMY’s curse


It starts with a feel, then a pound, then a punch
Your heartbeat races and your breathing rhythm gets your lungs crushed

Trash, you feel ill, you lose the will
To do anything, the thrill
gets to you and the drill
gets you hyped, you’re still alive
But inside you already died
Seven times in a row, you’re on a roll

Day after day and Valentine’s day being a couple of weeks away
Will you make it ? Will you survive ?
You’re driven but at the same time you’re tired
This is ARMY’s curse, enjoy the ride.

A Bangtan milestone


Say, where do I begin ?
3 new records in less than a week
Not acknowledging their milestone would be a sin

Where is the lie though ?
Where is your project? Who are your faves?
Mine are right here, killing me slowly, don’t mind if they do

Your hate is a vicious illness, a stigma
They’re topping the charts, tearing your delusional hopes apart
Bulletproof royalty, reinventing art
I wish I could spell it for you, but I rather see you get lost in the enigma

Don’t you get it ? Music is their first love
You should learn to love too, your heart really needs it
They breathe it, feel it, never conceal it
Their tunes are divine, sent indeed from above

Every written song is a form of reflection
Their inner thoughts, their feelings, their expectations
The growth, the confusion, the sweet temptation
If you ask me, the album’s a new faith delivered in a lection

I’m not done here, can you handle their heat? Because I cried MAMA
Their new concept slayed me to the core
Wrecked my heart, mind and soul
Take a minute to enjoy this. If not, spare me the drama

The lyrics sent chills down my spine, kept me awake
It’s almost 2 AM, but I cannot rest my mind
My feelings are tangled, have mercy, be kind
This is real music no doubt, how about yours, doesn’t it feel fake?

BTS, Thank you for the blood, sweat and tears
Whenever I feel Lost, I will keep your music near
From the soothing ballads to the savage cyphers
Am I wrong to feel alive, mesmerized, hyper?
I’m a 21st century girl enjoying a musical godsend
I will spread my wings and fly high with the wind
Two, three, to many more good days

ARMY meets BTS.

A mixtape of love

You make me feel like an adult child,
At times I’m tamed and at others I turn wild
Do you realize what your aura does to me?
Your Voice, your existence bewitches me entirely
Your words Awaken the dormant thinker within me
You make me appreciate Life wholeheartedly
Something about you eases my deepest worries
When you smile, an adrenaline Rush gets me going
I don’t recognize myself anymore, is this a Joke ?
I’m supposedly taken yet I’m having a second love stroke
I wish I could be your Favorite Girl, for it I wish I could take your word
As you Promise Me The love of an eternity, it would be US against the world
I wish I could Converse with you daily, get High on your Reflections
After every talk, we’ll enjoy an interlude, a Monterlude of emotions
I’m dreaming Too Much, aren’t I ? allowing myself to Cypher my affection like this
You’re the Ruff around my neck, this feels Fantastic, an eternal bliss
I Believe that your Monster is soothing mine,
It’s healing my heart, soul and mind
This feeling is genuine, Please Don’t Die
While Unpacking my fangirling Bags through these lines
I felt Bucku Bucku writing these rhymes
Where U At Ramonie ? I am yours, Always.

The one and only, Kwon Jiyong.

August 18th, a dragon was born
Flame so hot, a flowerboy with thorns
A rising star since before he was ten
At age 18, Kwon Ji Yong left his den

Along with BIGBANG, K-pop turned royal
VIPs around the world instantly became loyal
Back to our heartbreaker, a king without a crown
Who needs an accessory when the crown is the crowd

A fashion icon whose throne is the world
A composer, a producer, can’t describe him in one word
A rapper, a singer-songwriter, his talent is a ravage
The way he writes lyrics, pure art : what a savage !

29 years later, he’s still slaying hard
He’s all over the place, you can’t even count his awards
G to the D, he’s driving me out of my mind
Indeed G-Dragon, you’re one of a kind.